Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Senses

Well, not sure why I want to say this here, but since I mentioned it before, you're going to get the update on my LASIK surgery.

Everything's going great with that. I still have minor double vision in my right eye, as well as dry-eye, but I'm aware I'm still very early in my healing process. I may have to have an enhancement surgery on my right eye later if that doesn't clear up, but I'm still okay with it even being the way it is now... The results of the procedure are wonderful and mind boggling.

That being said, I would like to talk about my new unaided 20/20 vision, or more to the point the effects that they're having on me.

I can't shut down.

So I'm 36, and I started wearing glasses when I was 8, and contacts when I was 12. I had a -8 in my right eye, and -7 in my left. If your don't know how bad that is, it means you simple can not function outside of your comfort zone, and even barely inside your comfort zone, without glasses/contacts. As anyone can imagine, this has been nothing short of a pain in the ass for the better part of my life. I never slept in my contacts, so I spent the night blind.

I spent the night blind for over half my life.

I never understood what that actually meant to me until now. Despite my lack of sight being a severe hindrance, (and 100% guaranteed death in a zombie apocalypse) this was part of me, a part of my consciousness that my sub-consciousness associate(d) with ... ME.

Even though I hated it, this FUZZY vision was a tangible thing to my mind. Fuzzy vision is simply a lack of clear vision, as much as cold is simply the absence of heat. When it's a sweltering 110 degrees in the Metroplex, you miss the cold... And I miss.. my fuzzy vision? Can I say that? It took me a month to even realize that was a possibility, because having clear sight is such a blessing, I didn't dare say anything against it.

But today, I have come down with another stupid cold, and I finally realized why I couldn't relax. Whenever I would get sick prior to my LASIK surgery, one of my therapeutic feel-better home-remedies was to take out my contacts and literally lose one of my senses. For some reason, that helped me shut out the world, and it would help with the discomfort. Keep in mind, I always blamed my contacts for making me feel just a smidge more uncomfortable during my time of whinyness, and sought whatever comfort whereever I could find it. Never once did it dawn on me that I was actually finding the comfort in my fuzzy sight.

Now that I realize this, I'm sure I'll get over it soon. After all, it's only been a month. My mind was just totally blown when I finally figured out why I couldn't get to sleep at night, and why I've felt extra uncomfortable all day today.

Also, for those of you that wish for good eyesight and are considering LASIK, I urge you to do it. Like I said before, it's wonderful, and in no way is this a complaint. I was just having issues getting my mind wrapped around the fact that being blind was actually useful to me for something.

Now, onto the book topic, everything is still going great. I am over halfway through chapter 19, and I figure 20 will be a rush that just spews out in a couple days. I figure I will get most of it done this weekend, AND I have a great map laid out for the re-writes that I'm gaining more and more confidence in. Things will be a' changing, and I'll be able to address some ideas that never quite sat well with me from day one.

I've also done research on having someone work up a good-looking book-cover for me. Hopefully it turns out nice. I'll be keeping the same concept of what I originally worked up, but I have a few additions in mind.

It's been a very lazy lazy day. I can't wait until I get my energy back!